Meet Buster: My Big, Fat Tumor

You may have noticed that I’ve been adding new, interactive blocks to the right side of the blog lately. These are items that automatically get updated when I change them elsewhere on the Web. For example, my Twitter update and personal Amazon wishlist.

Today, I got an email from Amazon saying someone had purchased an Amazon giftcard for me, with this attached message:  “we believe in your future & support your dreams!!!”

I was excited and affirmed by the gift. The email said it was from “Fred 5″ and it took me all day to figure out who that was (My sister & family– can someone say ’stunted brain activity?’). I went through my wishlist and purchased items from it for myself, including two books that will be essential in my research when I begin writing my own book, American Wayside.

I was talking to my cousin, Scott, this afternoon in California. It was really good to hear his voice- and that of my Aunt Vicky. I had let weeks draw on before calling them, sort of hiding behind the non-confrontation of my blog lately, figuring I’d give myself more time before all the emotional dismantling involved in talking about the cancer anew. Not that I’ve got things bottled up right now, but it’s still a big load to break out and talk about sometimes.

Anyway, Scott was letting me know that he and the family wanted to do whatever they could to help. I reminded him that he has most definitely been helping- with emotional support- and that money doesn’t have to be his method.

“That’s how it is with family,” I said. “Some are in a position to help financially at this point, and they have or will. Others have something else to give, and it’s just as important- strong emotional support, organizing, sharing time. You’re doing just what you can and I appreciate it.”

Over this past month a few unexpected bills have come in. It seems these “lab tests” that the nurse referred to when scheduling my tumor biopsy can be more than a few. We didn’t fully understand that. I was uninsured at the time and needed to find out exactly what Buster was as fast as possible. We went ahead and had the biopsy.
After the first cancer diagnosis came, Ewing’s Sarcoma, a pathology (“lab test”) bill followed. A few weeks later, when my diagnosis had changed to Neuroblastoma, a new pathology bill came. Just last week a third bill arrived in the mail. Each one under a thousand dollars, thankfully, but they add up- and we’re not sure if they’re done coming. But, luckily, cash payments mean price slashes in the medical arena. Family members are currently stepping up to help out, and Kasha & I are so grateful.

There are many of you who have expressed an interest in helping or supporting my family’s struggle in some way and I’m deeply humbled by this. Many of you I have not seen or talked to in years! How in the world could I have earned your help or compassion?! I guess it’s a reminder that it’s not totally about me; any more than when my heart goes out to another hitchhiker or homeless youth on the side of the road. I choose to make that connection, regardless of the person’s worth or karma level.

So here’s what I would like to do. And also, what I would like you to help me do:

Tell me how I can support your heart interest. Let me be an advocate for your helping vision. Find what it is I’m doing that you believe in and help me do it better! Provide tools I can use.
For example, if your heart goes out to people who are suffering- physical, emotional- help me find a way to connect with them and lend an extra hand. Believe me, I am in much more regular contact with these fragile people now that I’m in and out of the hospital and other outpatient clinics.

Or, if you believe in my own vision of helping the lost, disconnected and lonely- whether that be youth and homeless on digihitch.com or people seeking a community connection through Road Bard Initiative- tell me how you can sponsor a project. Maybe it’s an actual donation to the non-profit organization that will head these sites/groups, or volunteered time and experience getting things done (networking, researching, paper pushing, fundraising!). You know what you can do and where you’d feel best served, after all.

For family members, you may be in a position to help me continue my Strub family history research. Donations for the use of ancestry.com and other pay services go a long way. Purchase of archiving materials are always a tremendous help, too. Some are found on my Amazon wishlist.

I’m serious, challenge me to match you to your own vision or heart quest. One of the issues I’ve been dealing with lately, since my cancer diagnosis, is a strong sense of losing time. It’s really amazing how much time we actually do have in a day, a week, a month; and how much of it gets squandered along the way through simple indecision. Well, now my months are more important than ever before and I don’t want to keep losing them to uncertainty or fear of failing my vision. Lend me some of your vision and let’s do something great together.

Join our Facebook group, TEAM MORGAN ~ Beat Buster! to start sharing ideas, or browse Morgan’s Amazon Wishlist to begin helping with projects!