It was last Thursday morning, the day after my wedding. I woke around 9am to the sound of low voices in the other room. Kasha’s mom, Ruth, would be here. I put on some shorts and came down the hall.
Both looked at me expectantly as I carefully sat down in my recliner. They were becoming experts at gauging my pain level based on how I moved around the room, or sat down, or what expressions I wore.
“Any news about the biopsy?” I asked.
“Yes,” Kasha said. “It’s cancer.”
And so there it was. The moment when everything that has occurred up to that point in my life exists on one side, and the diagnosis determines the other- now and what’s next.
Knowing I had cancer did not instantly change me. Buster had been growing for a while, after all, and I had become more aware of something ominous in me for the last several months. No, it was the week before that I was most affected. Friday, June 5th, returning from my doctor’s office. He had told me my CAT scan revealed multiple lumps in my body, including the huge pelvic mass as well as in my liver and lungs. After the visit, Kasha, Ruth and I went to First Watch to eat breakfast. While in the bathroom, washing up, I began to cry.
It had been a long time since I last cried. Emotion swept over me and I gave in. Throughout the day I cried some more- alone on the balcony; talking to my brother Mark on the phone (I hung up on him, couldn’t quite share the grief yet).
I have Ewing’s Sarcoma. I typed it into Google and clicked through the first result, Ewing’s sarcoma – Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
…a rare disease in which cancer cells are found in the bone or in soft tissue. The most common areas in which it occurs are the pelvis, the femur, the humerus, and the ribs.
Yep, sounded about right. I learned the disease mostly affected teenagers. People between ages 10-20. I wondered how long Buster had been growing.
I called members of my family that evening. Everyone is of course supportive and wants to help in any way they can. For now, there’s nothing I need but love.
I have my first appointment with an oncologist today. I leave in just a couple minutes, in fact. Dr. Jeffrey Isaacs.
I’ll let you know how it went when I return.
Filed under Ewing's Sarcoma
Post a comment/ reply below, or follow discussion on our comment feed (RSS 2.0).
I need things to do. I express love by doing things. Let me know what I can DO to help. My throat hurts from not crying. Oh- never mind. There it goes.
I told Jack tonight that you were in the hospital. It was the first we spoke of it. I didn’t even talk about it with him while we were in Phoenix. I wasn’t ready.
He understands that the back pain that he witnessed is related. He is concerned. He loves you VERY MUCH.