First– don’t be alarmed by the picture. My eye sockets often appear hollowed out and gaunt (though there is a narcotic composure to my face I’m no longer comfortable with). I actually feel pretty good lately, other than the pain in my waist and thigh that has been with me the past week. Luckily, not so much when I’m laying in my bed.
You can click on the photo to read about places on my upper body that are my new “signs of cancer.” War wounds and battle grounds. Each surgery, shaving, tattoo and simple cosmetic change has come to represent my struggle.
I normally don’t like showing off my scraggly, hairy chest. Heck, I don’t even like swimming in public with a shirt off. But I thought some of you might find the body mapping of my cancer to be an interesting thing, as I’ve come to think of it.
Filed under Chemotherapy, Neuroblastoma, Radiation Therapy, Surgery & Cancer Therapies
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Morgan, if you believe that it is therapeutic to relay this information on your blog and/or someone finds this article interesting and helpful, then great – mission accomplished.
As for me (being one of your caregivers and your spouse), I am a little disturbed by this entry. I don’t have cancer, but I’m living it 24/7 with you. Unfortunately, this is a subtle reminder that I cannot “fix” you and I continue to realize how helpless I am.
I love you honey and I’m here for you in anyway possible.
Love always,
K
Baby, I’m sorry you have to relive some of these experiences doubly, as a result of the blog. Yes, I do believe sharing the photo and my scars is important. It’s not about the flip “interesting” comment I made in the original post. It’s about being as honest as I can with what I’m going through.
I need this. And I want others who come to cancercaw.com to be able to get past whatever uncomfortable or morbid guilt they might have of seeing me express my cancer. There are a lot of emotions I would expect people will have when exposed to an honest life portrayal. Disturbance and even disgust are definitely on the list, and I’m OK with that. I only hope that blog readers keep reading and find something more meaningful, cathartic or at least educational in it for them in the process.
This blog was always meant to be more than a family and friend newsletter. And I welcome all dialogue. What do others think? How much is too much? Kasha knows there are other things I could tell you now that occurred this week and would probably disturb you. I may yet tell you what they are.